Good Friday to you, too

We've had two days of warmish temps and no rain this week, and they both did wonders for uplifting my spirit. I fight the blues during the long gray winters here. I know it could be much worse in below freezing temps, wind, and never-ending snowstorms, but the lack of blue sky and Vitamin D really get to me in the Northwest by February.

Today was extra nice, and we held onto that warm setting sun for all it was worth on a long meandering walk through a part of the Columbia Slough. Jonathan rode his bike, the doggies ran free, and Holly showed off her Big Personality through made-up songs performed at the top of her voice.















Also, I got a new hairdo. These bangs haven't been seen on my face since...1989?? Still getting used to it, but I think I like!! (Thank you, friend-and-stylist Nicole!)

Classroom Dreams

Wednesday may have been a turning point, or better-said, a starting point in my music teaching career. I have known for awhile now that I need to find a full-time school position; my son is entering kindergarten this year (OMG). My husband is starting a small business. We are about to lose our health care insurance. Things are about to squeeze us verrrrrry tight. But I have faith that this is only for a time--Aaron's incredible talent and business sense will serve him well, and I believe in my ability to get a teaching job. Even in this abysmal arts education climate, parents and administrators still believe music is important in our schools.

My neighborhood is in a state of change right now. We attended our elementary school's Kindergarten intro night, and it was cram-packed with young families. Our little main street is blooming with cute businesses. But our North Portland cluster of schools is pretty sad. There are some high points, especially growing parent involvement, but once students reach 6th grade, they kind of lose a rich and varied educational experience. I never realized how inner-city-ish the North Portland upper schools are in the disparity of options available to students. Seems like administrators keep grasping at ways to increase test scores by using extra funding for reading specialists or math tutors, and totally missing how enriching the arts would affect their students' educational lives.

So I reached out to the jazz band teacher at Roosevelt High School and he called back, requesting a meeting. I went up to the school on Monday and met him, and we discussed some ideas for adding vocal music to the offerings at RHS, and how the middle schools that feed into RHS really need a music teacher so these new freshmen entering high school have had SOME music learning. He also mentioned that Wednesday he and a choir-loving parent volunteer were teaching the studio lab choir, and I was welcome to come check it out. So I showed up to the choir room on Wednesday, a bleak cinder-block room with no windows, desks shoved to the sides of the built-in risers, and a baby grand piano tucked into one corner. The students showed up with pop in their hands, cell phones, giggling and talking loud as the teacher tried to get class started up. One of the young ladies was visibly pregnant. They stumbled through a couple of songs, and the teacher explained they would be performing for a small-school assembly that afternoon. And then he invited me to conduct. I had an inkling that he might do this, but I was still summoning my courage as I introduced myself and took over the "podium."

Those kids are rough. They are undisciplined. They are not very attractive. They don't sing well as a choir. But they watched me conduct, they paid attention when I demanded it, and they sounded better at the end of my 20 minutes with them. One of the girls said, "Are you going to be our new choir teacher?" And I almost melted in a puddle on the floor. The band teacher asked me to stay and conduct them for the assembly, which I did, onstage. They want to be good, they want to sing, and they so deserve a teacher who can bring it. We're going to work up a 3-year vision for developing the music program in all the feeder schools and RHS and invite the administrators to come and dream with us. Here's hoping they catch the excitement; all I need is a salary and I am so there.

The Power of Five

Aaron and I have watched with awe and enjoyment as our son, our cautious, sensitive, wary, thoughtful son has conquered both bike riding and snow skiing in the first few weeks of 2010. Not that we don't appreciate and compliment Jonathan's frequent mental successes--how he can read short sentences, work math problems and challenging puzzles. But there is something so satisfying about watching your kid succeed at one of those Big Physical Skills. It's immediate gratification for us parents: "Look at him go! He's riding his bike! He's skiing down that hill!" I think we don't often notice the small developmental achievements he makes, like playing incredible make-believe games and involving his little sister, or controlling himself when he feels like being aggressive, or writing his name in a straight line.

Jonathan is gearing up for kindergarten, asking me questions about it, even though his first day of class is 9 months away. He is fun to just hang out with; he asks hilarious questions and has interesting insights into the world. He loves to watch football with me, and understands the game pretty dang well. This long rainy week has kept us inside A LOT, and he and his little sis have played together so beautifully (Can we get an "Amen?"). And then the bike riding and snow skiing--he has all this confidence and moxie, and really enjoys the challenge and adrenaline rush of going fast. So fun! Five-year-olds are pretty awesome. At least mine is.

2010 Travel Wishes

So, last year really sucked in terms of travelling for our family. I took the kids to Texas twice, we did a three-day camping/family visit to Seattle and the Olympic Peninsula, a few day trips to the Oregon coast, and that's about it. I am thankful we live in an area of the country where "getting away" from it all is not difficult. We can drive 10 minutes to hike in Forest Park, an urban wilderness that immerses you in a northwest rainforest. We can drive 90 minutes to Mt. Hood, a massive snow-covered mountain recreation area. There are city and nature adventures all around; it's great.

But sometimes you want to really take off and explore somewhere farther from your home base. Or have a specific experience that only one place can provide. Like, this year I really want us to explore:

1. DISNEYLAND!! Jonathan is 5 and Holly is 3; they don't have to have naps anymore and they still retain all that little-kid enthusiasm and magic. It would probably be easier in some ways in a couple more years, when both kids could ride every ride, but I just want to take them now.

2. SNOW-SKIING!! I am ashamed to admit that I haven't been skiing in the four winters we have lived here in Oregon, when we are a 90 minute drive to the slopes. Ridiculous. This is the year I will find a lift-ticket deal and get myself ontop of that mountain--survey the course down and take off. Nothing like that feeling, shussing in powder at the top of the world. I'd like to introduce the kids to it, too, but man, is that a lot of hassle. We'll see.

3. INDIA!! I know, you're like, "Whaaa?" Aaron is accompanying his photography partner on a 3-day wedding shoot in India right at the start of 2011, and I just have to go, too. So while not technically a 2010 travel experience, it will take plenty of 2010 planning and saving of money for me to get to tag along. Okay, peace out.

'Middlesex': Writing Brainstorm Bonanza

I am posting this freestyle write in response to our book club's December meeting, where we read and discussed Jeffrey Eugenides' book, Middlesex. I'll probably read this aloud to the group in January. We are hoping to compile and edit our freewrites in the hopes that a book group can write a group book. Got it?

We sat on cushions around the fireplace, some on the floor, some on a window bench pressed against frosty glass while the outside world was so quiet, muted with fresh snow. We had watched the snow fall, bundled our kids and watched them play in it, cooked our families' dinners, and now it was our time. I had recently read about Support Circles, a conscious effort of groups of women to come together in a ritual fashion to support someone going through a difficulty, or to celebrate a success. Our book club meeting tonight had that life-affirming feeling, and the fire just added to the warmth shared around our circle. How good it felt to sip wine, eat spicy chocolate, and talk about our husbands, our confounding children, our desire to escape it all sometimes (hello, co-op apartment??). As healing as it is to live in gratitude, thankful for the blessings of family and job, food and home, it is just as great to vent in frustration and feel the weight of a burden lighten as it is shared on the shoulders around you.

All my life I have wanted to "fit in" to whatever the group, from third grade Fashion Club on up, this Book Club being no exception. Proving myself worthy of group acceptance (even admiration?) has been a lifelong desire, and perhaps flaw. Sometimes I have tried too hard, and made a fool of myself, sometimes I have given up when the group seems unreachable, and other times my place in a community has felt just right. That's what I keep going after.

This idea of group acceptance is a theme of Middlesex, too: the Greek family's assimilation to fit into American culture, girls comparing themselves/changing themselves for other girls. Individually, Calliope the Narrator desperately wants to find her place in society as ad adolescent and an adult, but she always feels an outsider. Interestingly, even knowing he is genetically a male, and having transitioned to a young man, Cal still feels like he's on the fringe of masculine culture.

As for my own outsider fears, I felt it acutely at the first book club meeting--established groups of women can be sketchy in any situation. A new member must approach with extreme caution, like an orphaned lion cub creeping toward an established pride, looking for a family to adopt her. I felt like the odd-girl-out and therefore a bit shy on my first entry into the group. Long-time friendships, neighbors, and family friends all form strong relational bonds with shared memories and inside jokes. Hard to believe a book club could regress me into an insecure fifth grader again. Most of that is my own pathology.

Jump to seven months later: now our meetings are a treasure of my month. The chit chat I was irritated by at the first meeting (Come on, let's talk about the book, already!)I now see as integral to the bonding of the group. Time and the open hearts of the women around our circle have erased all my insecurities. Just like Cal finds with his lovely Julie Kikuchi, letting down my protective guard and being myself--my thoughts, my struggles, my ideas--proves to be the best way of whole-heartedly joining in.

The Sound of Music....fading away

Aww, man, I was hoping that last post on books would bring out some commenters...if you read the post, and you read some books this past year, tell me about it!! :) Bloggers are such suckers for instant affirmation via comments.

So...it is Friday, and the final weekend of the Sound of Music run. After two months of weekly or more rehearsals, a full week of rehearsal every night, and three shows for four consecutive weekends, I must say I am glad it is wrapping up tomorrow night. It has been a fantastic experience, renewing my love for performing, and getting my voice back in shape. I learned that I really enjoy acting: the adrenaline, the interplay with other actors, and the dynamic tension of live theater. You never know what might happen! (For example, on opening night an elderly woman in the audience had to be escorted out due to explosive diarrhea. The next night, the sax player in the band passed out; they thought he was having a heart attack and the paramedics had to come backstage. The audience never knew a thing, though! Last Friday, the actor playing Max Detweiler had a few too many beers before the show and was a little sloppy. I missed an entrance once and had to walk on stage with the lights already up. The stories go on and on...)

But it is hard for a mother with two small children to perform in a musical. When I saw the listing for Sound of Music auditions, I looked up where the theater was located and gulped--an hour away! In my zealous optimism, I thought, no big deal! I can listen to NPR on the way and have some quiet time to myself. And yes, that was nice for the first couple of weeks, but when we got to every day rehearsals, that drive became tedious and expensive. And it was a burden on my dear husband, who managed the kids and many dinners and bedtimes without me (and only complained a couple times!).

Here's the McMinnville newspaper review of our show. I am fighting a nasty cold today, go figure, just for the final two performances. Thanks to my sweetheart for all he put up with, and for bringing roses to the Opening Night, thanks to both my darling kids who both saw the show and cheered me on, thanks to my parents and Grandma who flew here from Texas to support me, and thanks to all my friends who came and gave me hugs and huge smiles afterwards. Now I understand why we community theater actors don't get paid--we get the glooooorrrrry!

I Read This This Year.

Sorry, dear (few) readers, for missing Friday blogging. My only excuses are that I am performing in a musical every weekend, taking care of two munchkins, and maybe watching too much 'Biggest Loser' and 'So You Think You Can Dance.'
I wracked my brain to remember most of the books I read this year, and wanted to present them to you with my brief thoughts. Many of these came to me courtesy of the new book club I joined in May, a wonderful group of ladies who are smart and caring and really amazing cooks. I can never compete with the goodies they bring to our monthly meetings, but I think I keep up pretty well with the discussions. :)
The incomplete list:

* Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett. A story that spins itself out like an aria--the author's intent, I am sure, since she fell in love with opera while researching this book. This book explores the Stockholm syndrome, as a world famous opera diva is held hostage in South America by a small group of revolutionaries. I enjoyed the interplay between cultures, and how music played a central role in helping these people, of wildly different languages, customs, economic levels, and positions of power come to appreciate and even love each other. Some parts are a bit we-are-the-world, but the true-to-life ending makes up for it.
* Veronica, by Mary Gaitskill. Our book club loved and hated this book, I think because we loved the author's amazing use of language and character, but we had a hard time relating to the world of high fashion and drug addiction this book explores. I definitely recommend it; just be sure you have someone to discuss it with afterward, because it takes some excavation.
* Harry Potter and Half Blood Prince, by JK Rowling, of course. I reread this right before the movie came out this summer. Ohhh, it is so good. And I may have finally convinced my parents to read the series. We are reading Book 1 aloud to Jonathan right now, and he's loving it, following right along in his imagination. It's such a delightful fantasy world.
* Twilight Saga, by Stephenie Meyer. I couldn't stand the hype anymore and wanted to see if these were any good. I have mixed feelings about them--it is an interesting, compelling story. Not really well-written, and some weird character motivation, but then again, she's writing about vampires and werewolves. And one whiny heroine. I did enjoy Book 4 the most, although it has a majorly uneventful climax.
* A small rain & A severed wasp, by Madeleine L'Engle. Two books that chronicle the childhood/adolescence and then elderly years of a concert pianist growing up amongst the cultural elite in NYC and Paris. I enjoyed L'Engle's rambling but elegant character development and being completely wrapped up in the world of the "called-artist." To read the second novel that explains what happened to the narrator in her adult years and brings her around to the end of her life was really special.
* Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte. I had never read this classic, but my book club ladies read it last year and thought it an amazing read. So I picked up a copy at Powells and dove in. Loved the moodiness, loved the plucky feminist outbursts from Jane, loved the romance, loved the beautiful language.
* Skylight Confessions, by Alice Hoffman. I'd never read anything by this popular author, but a friend lent me this copy, and I needed something to read during my backstage waiting time in the musical. I didn't love the book, but one of the main themes in the plot was the idea of fate making a mistake. The main couple in the book both feel that something is wrong about the two of them ending up together, and tragedy ensues from there. It's an interesting thought--that you can make one wrong/bad decision and it veers the whole direction of your life onto this alternate path with a lot of heartache.
* Work Hard, Be Nice, by Jay Mathews. I think I saw a segment on Oprah about the KIPP middle schools that began in Houston, and put this book on my library queue last year. I finally got it, and devoured it. It's a chronicle of the two Teach for America guys who started a KIPP school, but it reads like a novel. As a wannabe classroom teacher, it got me very excited to get into a school and see if I can make a difference, too.
* A Walk thru Portland: Fugitives and Refugees, by Chuck Pahlaniuk. Our Okie homey Kristen McCarty sent us this book after she'd read it, loving Portland from afar as she does. Man, do we live in a freeeeeeaky town! It was fun to read up on the haunted places, the strange museums, the underground tunnels, and more that can be found and done in our fair city.

Happy 2010 Reading!! I'd love to know what you read and loved this year. Comment!

Memo to my new Househusband**

*Aaron was released from his corporate job after 9 years of work. It actually came at the perfect time because he is ready to jump into his own photography business. He was always supposed to be in an artistic, independent career--I'm so happy for him.

To: Aaron Todd Courter
From:Kristen J. Courter
Date:November 18, day of your job layoff
Re: Reorganization of household duties

Now that Mr. A. Courter does not have to report to his 8-5 corporate job, it has come to my attention that certain household duties that were once the domain of Mrs. K. Courter, can now be reevaluated so as to find the most effective and fair distribution of time and energy. Personal preferences may also be taken into consideration.

After a week of allowed basking-in-the-glow of your new freedom, Mrs. K. Courter will expect the following to be negotiated:
1. She hates, hates dirty dish pile-up in the sink area. Swift clean-up of used dishes and putting away of clean dishes from dishwasher will be expected.
2. Perhaps a deal can be brokered whereas Mrs. K. Courter will wash, fold, and put away children's clothes, while Mr. A. Courter will do the same for adult clothing. Mrs. Courter will gently remind him about separating out colors and hanging bras up to airdry.
3. Mrs. Courter was quite excited when Mr. Courter mentioned he would like to take Holly to her ballet class. Chaffeur-duties to pre-K, tennis and ballet lessons can now be alternated or shared.
4. The planning, shopping, and preparing for meals will be a challenge, but Mrs. Courter knows a deal can be worked out. Perhaps on Mondays (piano lesson days) and days that she substitute teaches, Mr. Courter can be responsible for the dinner meal.
5. Mrs. Courter promises to be respectful of Mr. Courter's professional and personal time for photography. She understands he is nurturing his artistic soul as well as his business, and she will make accommodations accordingly.
6. Mrs. Courter will write no more Househusband memos; it is way too corporate-ish.